it smelled like mold. in front of me was an old wooden door most likely the remnants of a viking clan's dining table "recycled," put to good use. i stepped inside and brought in a cold gust that gave the candles a scare as they shook and wavered. the establishment was dimly lit and aptly furnished with decadent adornments.

and then my eyes fixated.

it happened like an analysis of a painting. the things they teach you in art class....lines, objects on the outside...slowly guiding your focus onto the main subject in the center.

all things in the room pointed to her
every flame of every candle begged to be set free as they pulled and tugged to be closer to her.
she was amazing.

she sat in a booth by herself, slender fingers caressing a glass of deep red wine. i found myself entrenched in her beauty. my eyes hooked, i drew closer to her.

i stood in front of her table, and sat down.

staring into her eyes desperate to see her soul and humanity.

left speechless by her unparalleled beauty, i grasped for words by instinct, not thought.

"i love you"

she smiled; the sort of smile that would impress even the mona lisa...an enigma: mysterious and exciting.

"i love you too my dear; happy anniversary"

my wife.
my love.
forever.

untitled number one

your presumption is overwhelming
your self love and my self loathe
starry nights not withstanding
of wretched lies,
half-hearted calls
and icey goodbyes

more comfort in empty rooms
rather that then the sight of you
shooting poisoned darts
through my eyes

maybe if you had given more
i'd have things to throw away
instead you gave nothing
the same nothing
i have today

more comfort
in the darkness that beckons
of unknown,
petty lies

you seek more attention
yet still lack an alibi

dont wake me on the way out
such is our last goodbye

11/18/2003

don't say go [unless you want to]

so tell me what you're thinking
or better yet
let me read it in your eyes
my imagination tells me things
and ruins our surprise

green lights
and smoking breaks
all in disregard
of boundaries set
by other hearts
in our story so far

what is your motivation
were you here yesterday
i called your name in frustration
or is this the game you play

yellow lights
and shallow lakes
all in disregard
of boundaries set
by cautious hearts
in our story so far

i apologize
i fell in love
with another girl
the girl i thought you were
instead fell through a hole
the hole that you are

red lights
and photographs
all in disregard
of boundaries set
to break my heart
in our story torn apart

11/17/2003

modern day tragedy [jagged edge love song]

are you looking for an answer?
to explain all the things we've done
why ask for a map to an end
when you can't admit what's begun
do you think of me all the time when what's bullshit with him
is so special to you and me

this isnt another angst ridden teenage song
baby this is our modern day tragedy
no broken glass, just a broken heart
and what you mean to me

dont get angry
if i dont look back
while you hold his hand
its just that i see you
everyday
in my mind

this isnt another bitter love song
baby this is our modern day tragedy
no broken glass, just a broken heart
and what you've done to me

my heart hit bottom
and the floor gave out
tell him to follow it straight to hell
make sure he knows the route

i swear i'll take his soul
you know he took my life

tell him,

this isnt another rock song
baby this is our modern day tragedy
no broken glass, just a broken heart
and our forbidden love to be
our forbidden love to be
forbidden love to be
and what you've done to me


11/13/2003